Animal magic

I have just been interviewed on the 2CC Mike Jeffreys breakfast radio programme in Canberra, Australia, where it is 8.05 on Monday morning. (We are eleven hours behind.)

They wanted to interview me about the proposed smoking licence. But that's not why I am mentioning it. As I was waiting to go on I heard the traffic reporter say (I promise you I'm not making this up):

"Expect delays. There's a kangaroo on the road."

Be honest, that's not something you hear very often on Five Live Travel.

Dodgy dealings in the House of Lords

Among the many things on my to-do list today is looking for the correct form of address for an earl. In the course of her research a colleague stumbled upon the following. It's from Hansard and the speaker is Earl Ferrers:

I would like some explanations to some serious points, and I hope the Minister will answer them. What happens if an earl has a sex change? In order to make certain that there is no duplicity, we will call him Earl Dodger and his son Viscount Chump. If Earl Dodger has a sex change, does he become a countess, in which case there will then be two Countess Dodgers? Or does he remain as an earl although he masquerades as a woman?

As the earl has changed from being a male to a female, what happens to the title? Does Viscount Chump suddenly inherit the earldom and become an earl as the earldom is apparently vacant? That does not seem right because you would then have two earls. What happens if Countess Dodger, on the other hand, changes sex and becomes a man? What does she become? Does she become Earl Dodger, so that there are two earls? She cannot, because she was not appointed. What does she do?

Let us suppose that Earl Dodger has a son and a daughter. Let us suppose that the daughter is older and that she has a sex change and becomes a man. Does she then become Viscount Chump instead of her younger brother who, up till now, was Viscount Chump? If she does become Viscount Chump, does she inherit everything else? Does she inherit the title of earl instead of the proper Viscount Chump, and all the cash, if there is any? In my experience, earls do not have much cash nowadays, but they used to in the good old days. What happens to the proper Viscount Chump? There may be a trust fund under which it all goes to the holder of the earldom. Does the lady get that and, if so, will she remain friends with her brother?

Well, it made me laugh. Full transcript HERE.

Toot, toot

Joe Taylor is a journalist based in Cornwall.  He previously worked for the Mail on Sunday and various local news agencies but has given it all up to develop a cartoon character called Toot The Smoking Sheep. (Yes, you read that correctly: Toot The Smoking Sheep.) In the run up to the smoking ban on July 1st, Joe is planning a 'Ban the Government' campaign, also featuring Toot, whose MySpace site can be found HERE. Meanwhile Joe has offered to develop a series of Toot-related cartoons for publication on the new Free Society website when it goes live next month. I think it's a great idea. But, please, no jokes about woolly thinking.

Update on Saturday, April 28, 2007 by Simon Clark

The sudden appearance of Forest patron Antony Worrall Thompson at Greengrass Farm puts Toot on the defensive. Click HERE.

The man from the Peru

Graham, "in cloudy Cornwall", reports that "The Peruvian Arms in Mount Street, Penzance, is  applying to the Peruvian government to establish themselves as a Peruvian embassy in Cornwall as they have  found out that Peruvian embassies allow smoking on the premises and are not under the jurisdiction of the UK  government!!!!" Apparently there was an item on the local BBC news last night. Good to see that at least one publican hasn't given up hope!