Selfish - moi?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009 
I'm in London today for a series of meetings so there's little time to blog. I wrote this post a week or so ago but didn't publish it because, on reflection, it seemed a bit self-indulgent. (Too much information, if you know wot I mean.) Then again, the words "blogging" and "self-indulgent" are like "salt" and "pepper". So ...
I laughed the other day when I read a report that "selfish adults damage childhood". According to a piece in the Mail, the "aggressive pursuit of personal success has pushed the needs of children aside".
Who are these selfish parents? I'm sure they exist (haven't they always?) but it's not a view of modern Britain I instantly recognise. Whether they're married, divorced or single, most parents I know tailor their lives to suit their children. (Too much, at times.)
For the record, I don't consider myself to be a particularly good parent. I am far too grumpy, for a start. And I'm no role model, for a variety of reasons. But selfish?
This week (which is no different to any other) my wife and I will do what we always do. Like millions of parents we'll juggle our lives as best we can around our children.
My daughter, for example, has six extra-curricular dancing lessons - on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. On Sunday she may want to go shopping or roller-blading with her friends, or they may choose to see a film. She can't do any of these things unless we take her - and we will - because we live five miles from town and the buses from our village are few and far between.
My son has indoor cricket coaching on Monday night (we get home shortly before ten o'clock) and again on Sunday. He has rugby on Tuesday night and football on Wednesday. Sundays are usually devoted to football and, sometimes, rugby. Worst case scenario on a Sunday: rugby in the morning, followed by a mad dash to play football at the other side of Cambridgeshire in the afternoon, and cricket in the evening.
Like my daughter, he's dependent on his parents and we've rarely let him down. (The photo above was taken a couple of weeks ago at Thetford Rugby Club on a dark, dank Wednesday night. My son was playing for Cambridgeshire against Norfolk. It took us 90 minutes to get there, and 90 minutes to get home. The warm-up, the game itself and the after-match meal in the clubhouse added another three hours. We arrived home at 10.30.)
Now they are older the children sometimes get invited to parties on Saturday night that finish at ten or even midnight. Someone has to pick them up. That someone is usually me - which means I can't touch more than a glass of wine all evening because I have to drive. (You've no idea how that pains me!)
Don't get me wrong. I love my kids to bits and I don't begrudge them a single minute. In fact, I'll be quite sorry when eventually they leave home and I'll no longer be called upon to drive them hither and thither. I enjoy it, most of the time.
But I do begrudge being labelled "selfish" because, from time to time, I put my "professional" life first. As, I'm sure, do millions of ordinary parents just like me. Are they selfish too?
Reader Comments (2)
"In fact, I'll be quite sorry when eventually they leave home."
You won't and they won't, Simon. I was the same, although no car. We had bicycles, a good local bus service and taxis when necessary. They left home but didn't go far. Now I have repeat performance with the grandchildren. A good parent never stops being a good parent - whether they like it or not!
Hope the kidney stones are gone.
When I had extra curricular activities as a kid I was expected to use the 'bus , and pay for it out of my pocket money and/or paper-round income.